im six kinds of drunk right now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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