found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
