so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
