remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
