Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
