someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
