is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
