the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
