I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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