Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The ass gains better be worth it
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