I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
