We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
