suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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