I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
