in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
