we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
