I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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