Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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