You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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