She's JV to your varsity
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
