Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
