Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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