She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
