Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize