I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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