you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
kristin has been a bad kristin
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
