Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
