so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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