Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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