This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
