how can u be prego again
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
