mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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