last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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