God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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