Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
