I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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