I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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