just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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