well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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