Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just had sex on a roof
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
