Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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