Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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