I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
