Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
