The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
