He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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