Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize