I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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