She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
