"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
