I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
