All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
