I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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