At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
