Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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