Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
God, I missed his penis.
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