I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
