I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
