Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize