...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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