Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
