He disabled his match.com account in front of me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
