we're blogging at a bar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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