On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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