Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
