we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
