Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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