I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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